bionic diary

August 14, 2002 - "It will end soon" by Pammer

Wow...sorry I haven't said anything in so bloody long. Uh...Paris rocked my world, by the way. I haven't had the presence of mind to write anything for the rest of the online world to see. I've been too busy going through major life changes. Or maybe I just didn't have anything to say.

I do now...have something to say, I mean. This whole BF site thing...well, it's probably gonna end soon. I mean it just doesn't make sense to keep it going. Does it? The thing is, we all have our own projects, bands, whatever, now, and BF is a thing of the past. Plus, it costs money to keep this puppy going, ya know.

I'm rationalizing...unnecessarily...I'm aware. But I wanted to give fair warning to anyone who visits this site on even a semi-regular basis (whatever that means). I think that when comes up for renewal, it's going to get shut down. This will happen sometime around December or January. So take it all in now! Download those pictures...copy those witticisms and song lyrics and rare reviews! (Don't you love how I assume that you're completely obsessed with BF??)

The big question for me is, can I let go? What will I do without this website? It's like quitting smoking all over again...aargh. Maybe I'll turn my redcat site into something more personal. All about me! Or not. After all, I'm about to go back to college in like 5 weeks, and I'm not gonna have time for this fluff. Alas...most of us grow out of it at some point...sadly.

April 15, 2002 - "Vacation" by Pammer

I'm leaving on a jet plane...I know when I'll be back again...oh babe, won't wanna leave...'cause I'm leavin' for Paris, I really have to come back here?...oh babe...can't wait to go.

March 16, 2002 - "Pussy Power, Pussy Power, Rah-Rah-Rah" by Pammer

I meant to write something about the Pussy Power show immediately after it happened, but I got sidetracked by things like taxes, poverty, hormones, and nicotine withdrawl. I'm slowly getting my sanity back now though, and felt I ought to say something.

The Pussy Power show at the Medicine Show Theater on March 2nd was amazing. It's not so much that the performances were flawless or that the talent was overwhelmingly good...although the performances were quite good, and there was an abundance of talent's that the vibe was there. The vibe...the was THERE. I can't think of many rooms, gigs, shows, situations, that I've been in as a performer where the audience and fellow performers were more accepting...more open to absolutely anything. In fact, I can't think of any.

One highlight for me was Rod Thruster (a very cute drag king)...his backing music wasn't playing properly (it was a cd), so he had to sing a cappella for most of his set (which he did quite well). Then a bunch of us girls ran out on stage and played the parts of screaming fans...on our knees...clawing at his was great fun. Of course I thoroughly enjoyed the sets by both Nanner and Leener. I got very excited when Leen played "Anorexic Love Song." Everytime she plays it I have to sing along. I mean it's just that kind of song, ya know? I demands back up vocals and hand claps. Thankfully, she doesn't mind. And I love Nan's new moody and pretty and cathartic. Farrell and Katy of the Pollynoses (calling themselves the Pollynose Cunts for the evening) rushed onstage for their set, Fa speaking very quickly and explaining that they had to smush a 40 minute set into 15 minutes. They played an abbreviated and funked up version of "I Am Woman," followed by a few Farrell originals...all gems. Damn, that girl can write. Christie (our host for the evening) was on and off the stage all evening as her various alter egos. I know she wants me to call her "Chris" now, but I'm so attached to the "tie" at the end of her name...I'm not sure I can change so easily...I wonder if she'd mind "Chrisser"...hmm...must think about this more. Anyway, she was a wonderful host as always, and even showed us all her tits at one point (as did two other girls). Of course when you've got an audience of about 95% women...all of whom adore you, shouting "show us your tits!!" how could you possibly refuse??? I probably would've done the same.

Oh...did I mention that our set...the Trouble Dolls' set...was fun? Whether or not we sounded good, well...ask the audience. But damn we had a good time! We missed our drummer, Gabe, but the drum machine sufficed for the evening. Besides, our friends said it sounded cool...I can only assume they were being honest.

So now what more Pussy Power for like 6 months. Whatever shall we do??? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to be working on the Pussy Power website, so I can empower my pussy on a regular basis, thank you very much. When it's done, the url will be think...if I'm wrong, I'll correct it later. And when the site is up and running, everyone will have a chance to get a little Pussy Power action whenever they so desire...ah...that's much better. Hooray for the Pussy!!!

February 18, 2002 - "Party Party Party" by Pammer

I went to hear Schwervon! the other night at Great Lakes in Brooklyn with my friend Evan from the band The Rosenbergs (see the entry below about joining a different band). Schwerv was fabulous of course. Nan's really gettin' to be quite the drummer. I'm so proud of her! After the gig a bunch of us went to a party at a friend's house in Prospect Heights. The apt., for starters, is gorgeous. One of those lovely Brooklyn brownstones into which I can only hope to move someday before I die. And it's big! Plus...two cats. I've been there's the home of my piano-playing friend Steve Espinola. I love that apt. I love other people's homes. I love real estate.

Anyway, Alina was there, as was Nan...we were only missing Sharky, but alas she was dog-sitting. We lamented her absence. At one point Jon Berger dragged Nan and me out to the "dance floor" and we all got down and boogied like the geeks that we are proud to be. We danced to hits from the 70s and 80s mostly, and were overjoyed when Steve put on AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long." Nan and I tried to remember the words from when BF covered it, but...well, the words don't make much sense and I'd always found it difficult to embed them in my already cluttered brain. We later did a very short and rather half-assed modern dance. But it was the thought that counted, in my opinion. It was late...I was a little drunk.

It was a good night all around: Leener and I talked about how much we miss each other and decided she needs to come over and watch "Buffy" next week. Jon Berger picked on me and I smacked him around. Evan pulled my braids and flirted with a cute girl he met. Todd talked about "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" with Steve's roommate. Nan, Todd and I discussed "The Vagina Monologues" and gushed about the woman who said that if her vagina could wear something, it'd wear a hat. Steve played his newly acquired organ for us all and demonstrated an early version of was so cool! Tony and I reminisced about the time he and I jammed with Steve. Of course if you weren't there, this all sounds pretty silly and unimportant, but ya know, it's the little things in life that matter.

I have two parties coming up this weekend. I am so excited to have more fun! (No, I don't get out much.) Why is it that these things always happen in clusters? And birthdays...February is a HUGE birthday month. I can name at least 10 people who have birthdays this month...half of them are family members...the other half are friends. I hope they realize they're only getting cards. :-)

Oooh! It's dinner time...I think I'll have a yummy baked potato with broccoli and cheddar. Mmmm.

January 12, 2002 - "The Asshole" by Pammer

I just want to state, for the record, that I am not a competitive person. I am not a petty person...well, except for when my blood sugar is low and I get really irritable and can't stand to be around other people. But in general, I'm not a vengence seeker, I don't care what other people say about me, my friends or my bands. I just don't let it bother me...I let it slide off of my back. I have confidence...I'm secure, and I have a lot of tolerance for cheap shots. But every once in awhile, something happens and I feel the need to slap the Asshole in the say, "Ya know what? We're better than that. We deserve some respect...and you should know that we not only rock, we're not assholes like you!" Besides, I know the Asshole just loves to get slapped around by strong women.

(For anyone who didn't get this entry...please just read it with a sense of sarchasm and move on.)

January 4, 2002 - "Joining a different band" by Pammer

I'm in a second band now...The Trouble Dolls. I'm playing bass...most of you know this, as I've spent lots of time bragging about it. Hell yes, I'm proud of myself for learning another instrument and actually getting into this band. Was I the best musician for the job? Of course not, but I can sing, and that edged me in, I think. Not that they ever sat me down and said, "Well, Pam, we'd like you to be a part of our band because...yadda yadda yadda," but I know they wanted another female vocal.

It's strange being in a new band...for obvious reasons, I suppose. It's exciting and challenging, but also interesting to watch their dynamic and to figure out how I'm going to fit into it. I know I'm still holding back a little when I'm around them...I mean I haven't really shown all the sides of my personality just yet. I haven't loosened up completely. Ooh, wait till they see me on an irritable/bitchy day...yikes.

We recorded a cd over the last couple of weeks. I only sang backing vocals on it...I was soooo not ready to play bass on a cd. But it went really well, and I think it sounds great. The guy who did play bass, Evan, did a fabulous job and I'm glad that I have someone I can go to and ask "how did you play that part?" He's very helpful.

When my day came to record the vocals, I went in around 2:00pm and we all stayed till about 3:00am. Long day to be sure. There were some strange moments when some of the band members were rolling around on the floor in hysterical laughter, wrestling. I stood by and watched...and laughed...and then ran away because I didn't want to get smushed. Again, interesting to see the dynamic. I really like the people in this band (Cheri, Matty, and Gabe)...they're silly and laid back, but also professional. Plus, they're talented musicians, and I'm not just sayin' that. I also must admit that it's fun to be in a band with a couple of guys...and it helps that they're really sweet. In a way, it reminds me of when I was a kid with my brother, step-brother, and step-sister. Well, except that I'm the youngest now, and the boys don't pick on me...yet. (nervous laughter)

I'll be letting everyone know when The Trouble Dolls are playing out again. It'll be sooner than I'd originally thought, but we won't have a drummer for a couple of months: Gabe will be out of town. Matty, Cheri, and I will probably do a little something though. Stay tuned!

October 10, 2001 - "Politics, grief, and other stuff" by Pammer

I don't have anything in particular to say today, I just felt the need to write something.

I'm going to vote tomorrow in the "run off" between Mark Green and Fernando Ferrer, and I'm surprised that I care. I don't tend to get very involved in political stuff. I pretty much think they're all assholes not worthy of their jobs, but I guess somebody's gotta do it, and it's nice to be able to vote and have a little bit of power in that choice.

We played at a benefit last night at the Sidewalk Cafe...people came, but not enough, to my mind. It was fun, and the performances were all good, but I was a little disappointed that more people didn't come out to give. I think we're forgetting about everything that happened already because it's so difficult to continue thinking about it. At least I know I am. And maybe that's a good thing...I mean it's not good to dwell on disturbing stuff. You have to move on...get on with life...that's what it's there for, right? I've even cut back on my obsessive news-watching...maybe a little too much. I'm not really scared anymore. The point is, although I'm not thinking about the "tragedy" very much anymore, I'm glad we were able to do something, no matter how minor, to help out. It felt good.

There's really not a theme here, I'm just rambling.

I'm excited to go back to Indiana again. (God, what's wrong with me?!) It'll be good to see Mom and the Space & Noise boys and all our new friends there. And I think we could all use a little vacation...peace and quiet...trees...grass...squirrels...hummingbirds...all that woodsy stuff.

Yeah, I guess that's it...kinda melancholy...but I think I'm getting progessively more cheerful.

September 25, 2001 - "How to deal" by Pammer

It's now two weeks after the WTC attack, and I gotta say, as much as I want to get on with my life, I'm struggling. True, I think about it less and less, but it's still there...waiting in the back of my mind...ready to sneak up on me and remind me that maybe I need to be scared. And I am. I admit it. I started smoking again...right after I'd quit for about the millionth time in the last four months or so. I'm so angry about this...partly at myself for feeling so scared and weak.

I love New York City...I loved it before I even set foot here 10 years ago when I came here for a high school speech meet. And I love it still, and I hope like hell that nothing else happens because as much as love it here, I love my life more, and I'd leave to save it. I'm probably just being overly dramatic, but I can't shake the fear that this is going to be a war that will affect everyone way more than it already has.

I am finding comfort though...mostly from the girls and the rest of our extended family, and I hope that everyone else has some such support system with which to cope. It's so unreal. I've even gone down to the site and seen some of the still doesn't feel real. Maybe that's good...maybe this is more than the human mind can comprehend...I don't know.

I'd welcome any soothing words of rational confidence from anyone. But please, no words of prayer...I'm still not religious. Peace.

July 16, 2001 - "On the Road Again" by Pammer

Off we go again for 8 lovely days into the wilds of corn country. Back to my roots. I've been to Indiana more times this year than since I lived there 8 years ago. It's a little frightening. And what's even scarier? I've enjoyed my visits. I's not like me at all. But the band makes it more fun, and I think I've been gone long enough that I can appreciate the Midwest more now. What am I appreciating exactly? Hell if I know...corn, I guess. Or maybe Sunday morning silence. I'm not sure. Whatever. We're leaving on Tuesday morning, and I'm excited to go. I like leaving New York every once in awhile because it makes me love it all the more when I come back.

This time out we have some new-ish songs that we're gonna be performing on the road, and we'll be selling our new EP, "Honeymoon Deluxe." Also, I just quit my job and don't really want to deal with the fact that I'm going to be completely broke when we get back from the tour. I'm starting my own webdesign business. You can see my temporary website (temporary because I have to get a host for my new domain name) at redcat web designs and if you know of anyone who needs a site, send 'em my way! I'm charging more now, but I'm still cheaper than most...for now.

March 9, 2001 - "Nerdcore?" by Nannerbananer

Are Bionic Finger a "Nerdcore" band? What is Nerdcore and does it exist already? The word flew out of my mouth after being accused of Nerdom by Ms. Erin Siodmak, who I should point out, is the ULTIMATE Nerd. Christine brought up the point at our NYU show last nite that we are NERDY but our songs are NOT NERDY.

Please email us your comments about Nerdom and what qualifies as Nerdiness. As well as whether you think BF fits into the term "Nerdcore". Thank you for your time.
Nerdy Nan

February 21, 2001 - "Why We Love Bon Jovi" by Leener

Oh, we're half-way there, livin' on a prayer, baby...Yes, we debuted our latest 80's cover (can you say obsessed, boys and girls?). It was Valentine's Day and I think that's pretty appropriate since we lust after the Sayreville, NJ native so much we just had to pretend to be him. Makes sense? No? Ok, I'll try again. It's the whole rock star thing - you never know whether you want that person or want to be that person.

Anyway, we opened the song with a four-part a cappella harmony. Then Nan started driving the bass, Pam kicked up the drums and we were suddenly in Madison Square Garden. Christine impressed everyone with her rock goddess conviction and Nan made a damn good "Gina", the one who "works the diner all day". We actually did the whole song, complete with a key change and all. Suddenly, in a whirlwind of country-swing, I started channeling Neil Diamond with Nan as Barbra. Frightening, yet strangely invigorating. But we finished it off with quite a bang. If you missed it, you'll just have to come see for yourself! I am here to tease...

February 15, 2001 - "Yes. That's it." by Nan "Mimi" Turner

I saw the Rogers Sisters for the first time last nite at Brownies. Holy Cow. They are downright incredible---Their sound reminds me of The Gossip and the White stripes---as they have that bluesy surf-ey guitar but their vocal interplay is a little more unpredictable---Jen the guitarist sings solo and also in harmony with their bass fellow (whose name I can't remember aaah!). And their drummergirl (whose name I cannot remember either!) sang with them too while furiously pounding the skins. Bass guy was hilarious jumping around on stage--they had so much energy I couldn't help it--I was a complete dance maniac. I don't want to misquote lyrics but I loved the song about riding bicycles. They're artful and wacky and serious too. Do you ever see a band and just say, "YES. THAT'S IT." Well, that was my experience with The Rogers Sisters.

January 19, 2001 - "When a song happens" by Pammer

I was just playing my guitar...ya know, kinda futzing around...getting my fingers good and numb so it wouldn't hurt so much tonight at the gig, and suddenly a song came out. Well, chords really...then some lyrics came to me in the shower about an hour later. But that never happens to me! I was so excited, I had to share. Finally! A new song that I like...for now, anyway. But you never know...maybe I'll like it tomorrow too!

January 16, 2001 - "At work" by Nanner

We just had b-day cake for someone here at work and this girl asked where BF played and I said, "Oh Meow Mix, know," and she's like "MEOW MIX? YOU PLAY THERE? THAT'S A LESBIAN CLUB!!!" I was like, "Yeah we like it a lot." She said, with 20 people staring at me, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PLAY THERE!"

I almost said I was a lesbian but I thought the fact I had a boyfriend and just wanted to shock them all into thinking I was a lesbian was a complex scenario so I just ate my cake and tried to look dangerous.

take me home